Last night I was hurting. Sometimes it just feels like some one has stabbed a knife into my heart and disguised it as POTS. I try to be understanding and content but that does not always come easy and if I don't pay attention that contentment slips away. I have tried to figure out God's reasons for giving me POTS for years. I've asked God why over and over and it has seemed like He's ignoring me. The real problem is that I am not paying attention. It's still hard for me to see reason amongst POTS when all I can see is what I am missing and all of the ministry opportunities I am too sick to do. People have told me over the years that I am an encouragement to them and I always took it as another cliche that people use when they don't know what to say. But this year God gave me an amazing roommate who showed me I can still make a difference for God and that I had encouraged her personally. I was beginning to see that one of the reasons God gave me POTS was to encourage others, still I had not quite grasped that concept or felt that I had the ability to encourage.
I started writing this blog because I thought venting might help me cope with this illness but after beginning to write my story I just felt it was too depressing and no one would be interested in the ramblings of a peculiarly sick young girl. Despite the encouragement from my roommates to write this blog I put it on hold. Months later I felt like it was time to explain myself to whoever would listen. Since starting this blog I have received messages, some from people I know and some complete strangers, just to tell me that I had encouraged them in some small way. Some of these people have POTS and some do not but the fact that they have taken time to let me know I have encouraged them has been extremely encouraging to me. I'm starting to see that maybe what I thought was a cliche was really God showing me that I could still impact lives in some small way.
Last night I was crying out to God for answers. This morning a complete stranger wrote me a note telling me how my blog has encouraged them but really I was the one who was encouraged. If a complete stranger can take the time to tell me I'm an encouragement than I guess it must be true. It wasn't cliche and they had no obligation to comfort me. It was just a random act of kindness. Well, nothing is random with my God! I didn't think it was possible for me to be an encouragement but I thank God for the opportunity to be an encouragement in someones life. I hope and pray you are encouraged by what you read and that you come to the realization that true healing and contentment can only come through God. It doesn't always come easy but He guarantee's it will come.
No comments:
Post a Comment