I have been pretty horrible about updating this blog. Sometimes I think it's pointless because all I do is rant, I mean, who wants to hear that all day? I have realized that writing to all of you helps me release all my thoughts I would never say out loud. So here goes...
This last semester has been pretty amazing. Don't get me wrong, I still struggled with POTS but I was able to go to class and build strong relationships...right up until the last few weeks of class. My body went into a tail spin after I got the cold and hasn't quite recovered yet. All the make-up work along with exams became overwhelming and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to finish some classes. (By the grace of God I passed them all!)
For a long time I have been pretty content with being single. I honestly didn't think I could handle POTS, school and a relationship. I recently started to get to know a guy who seemed like he could be the one person on the planet who could deal with POTS. Our friendship ended after he expressed that he didn't want to handle POTS. I didn't fit into his idea of what his future would look like. I couldn't believe that POTS had the power to take relationships from me. I soon saw any future relationship as hopeless. If he didn't want to take care of me who would? I realized that the man God created for me may not have an extensive knowledge of POTS or be in the medical field. I have no idea what my future with POTS is going to hold. It kills me to think about bringing someone down with me, especially someone I love.
I realize now that knowledge will come out of love. That's how I'll know it's him...when he understands POTS better than I do and promises never to leave me behind. That's how I'll know he's the one.
