In December of my freshman year of High school I got a virus that I just couldn't seem to shake. It was the middle of Volleyball season and I had no idea it would be my last season of Volleyball. I began to feel dizzy and lightheaded, which only increased when playing Volleyball. I remember one practice in particular where I almost passed out running a simple passing drill. After I sat down for a few minutes the dizziness subsided and I was back out on the court. I began to miss more and more school along with practices and games as well. I didn't understand what was going on in my body and I was beginning to get concerned.
I started seeing doctors and the marathon of tests and appointments began. I went from one doctor to the next, specialist after specialist only to hear "hmm", "That's odd..." and "I don't know". I was beginning to get really frustrated. After Volleyball season ended it was like my body was saying "Phew, that's over. Time to break down." I felt like I lost complete control over my body and after awhile I wasn't able to go to school at all. I was barley able to get out of bed.
My mind began to run wild with all the possibilities... I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. No matter what that might bring, I just wanted to know. Before every appointment I was truly convinced that 'this' doctor would find what was wrong with me. And with every test that came back negative I was crushed. I remember wishing I had cancer because at least I would know what I had and how to treat it. I just wanted to know. I just wanted the nausea to go away. I just wanted to live a normal life again.
By this time I would have to mentally prepare myself before appointments. But no matter what I did or told myself I always hoped and I was always crushed. I remember the last appointment I had with a specialist in Michigan. I wish it was one I could forget. The doctor was stunned by my level of nausea and non-existent social life. She looked over all my previous tests again and again. Negative, negative, negative. She didn't understand.
"There's no more tests we can do" she said with no hint of concern but only puzzlement. "You'll just have to learn to cope"...
Cope, cope, cope, cope... She must have used that word at least 30 times within our short appointment. I left that appointment not crushed but completely broken. This was the end. There was nothing more to do. This was now my life.
For the next few weeks I was heart-broken and depressed. I could only barley move my head without a rush of nausea mush less get out of bed to eat. My school work was stacking up on account that I could only sit up for about 5 minutes at a time before feeling like my insides were going to explode. Cope? Yeah right. I did nothing. I went no where and I soon decided that this battle wasn't over. I was not giving up. Something was definitely wrong and I wasn't going to let it end my life without a fight.
After talking to my parents I decided to go to Cleavland Clinic in Toledo, Ohio. I went down there to see a specialist in Neurology and after a rather disappointing appointment with him he decided to get my heart checked out. "Just to be safe" he said. I thought great! another pointless appointment. Even my doctor thinks it's pointless. My appointment wasn't for a few months but by God's grace I was able to get in to see the doctor within a few weeks. My mom and I rushed down to Toledo after getting a phone call that there had been a cancellation the next morning. I got in, saw the doctor, and with the FIRST test I was diagnosed with POH (Postural Orthostatic Hypotention).
The test that diagnosed me was the Tilt Table Test. Basically they hooked me up to machines to monitor my blood pressure while I laid strapped onto a table. They took my blood pressure at different angles. They would stop at every angle for about 5 min. checking my blood pressure and heart rate, each time asking me to rate how nauseated I felt. At the beginning of the test my nausea was already at a 5 on a scale from 1-10. After the first 3 or 4 angles my nausea had only increased to about a 6. In the small room that held this test there was a framed picture on the wall across from me. It was really the only thing to look at in the room so I focused my attention on that picture. I don't remember what it looked like or even the subject of the painting but once the table I was laying on reached near 90 degrees my nausea went from a 6 to an 8 while the painting in front of me started to fade. As my nausea continued to climb the painting grew fainter and fainter until I almost couldn't make out the picture. By this time the nurses running the test stopped everything and brought the table back to it's original horizontal position. They told my mother that if they hadn't stopped to test within the next few seconds I would have passed out.
Finally I had a diagnosis. The doctor explained to me that my blood pressure would plummet upon standing while my heart rate increased. My body was also not retaining salt (while raises blood pressure) so she put me on an extremely high salt diet along with medication to help my body retain salt. I started medication right away to raise my blood pressure and after a few months I was starting to feel some better. By this time I was going into my sophomore year of high school and I was still not healthy enough to attend my public high school so me and my parents decided to start home-schooling. Both my parents worked so most of my schooling was left up to me. I hated home-schooling. I wanted to get out of the house, to be with my friends, to have snow days, and to be on a normal schedule. Most of my days were filled with movie marathons, doctor's appointments, and school work.
By the second semester of my sophomore year I was fed up with home-schooling and my health had improved enough that my doctor's and parents agreed that I was healthy enough to start to go back to school. I was exstatic. I couldn't wait to start school again but I still wasn't healthy enough to go full-time. I started second semester taking 2 online classes though my high school, 2 home-school classes, and 2 classes where I actually attended school. Just imagine the mess that made of my transcript! But I was excited. I still missed a lot of school but I was doing better over all.
Junior year I was doing a lot better. I was still on a lot of medication but I was beginning to be able to function. I started going to school full-time and I also had a part-time job at McDonald's (which might not have been the best plan...). I still missed a ton of school. The first few months into school were pretty good but once the stress started to get to me I would get really sick really fast and I began to slide down hill again. I would miss weeks of school at a time. I was always making up work and turning things in late. It was stressful for both me and my teachers. By second semester I decided that I had to quit my job. I had called in sick way too many times. It just wasn't fair to them and it wasn't good for me physically to be that busy. After I quit my job I started to feel a little better and I was getting stronger but school was still a huge hurdle for me. Even when I was able to make it to school I would be so nauseous and light-headed that I could barley focus. Not to mention the brain fog that comes with this illness. That alone made tests a nightmare. I would do great on homework assignments and projects but my test grades were always horrible. I was struggling at the end trying to make everything up and do as much extra credit as I could to raise some of my grades. I wasn't sure if I would pass all of my classes and that stress alone didn't help my symptoms at all.
I started seeing a holistic doctor and began taking supplements along with my other medications. With all of that I was beginning to become stronger and my symptoms were getting less intense. At times I was taking over 30 pills a day which did not help my already growing hatred for pills of any kind. There were a few times that I would get so fed up with taking my pills that I would just stop. But after about a week my symptoms would sky rocket and I would be too sick to get out of bed so I would suck it up and start taking my pills. At least these episodes of idiocy proved to me that my pills were indeed working.
Senior year was still a struggle but I was learning to live my life in spite of my illness. I was still able to attend full-time but continued to miss chunks of school. My classes were mostly electives since I was a senior (not needing many credits) and my school had just switched to trimesters. I liked my classes and most of them were pretty easy and didn't require a lot of homework which was great for my health situation. I was even able to have a supporting role in my schools musical 'Little Shop of Horror's'. It was great for me to be able to be involved in something and stretched me musically as well. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity and the strength to get through it.
Graduation day was emotional for my entire family. I finished school, I was graduating on time, I was able to stand to get my diploma and the nightmare that was high school was finally coming to an end. The summer after I graduated I was diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). It's very similar to POH but is more specific in symptoms and treatment. After I started taking medication for POTS I began to see even more improvement. I began seeing a POTS specialist in Toledo, Ohio who started me on a drug called Zofran for my nausea. This has been a God-send. As I started Word of Life Bible Institute in the fall I was doing great. I was still nauseated along with my other symptoms but I was able to go to classes and hang out with friends. I was doing great even though I was still sick.
The program at Word of Life is very different from most colleges. Along with classes you are required to go out on ministries such as Superbowls, OpenAirEvangelism in New York City and work for eight weekends straight running Snow Camp which is located on central campus. About second semester of my first year of college I started to go down hill extremely fast. The program I was in was very intense, even for the healthy, and my body was not handling it well. There were times I felt so sick and nauseated that I could barley walk. My friends would walk me to class, when I was able to go, and just about everywhere else. I came closer to passing out during my last few months of my first year in college than I ever had in the 4 long years of dealing with POTS. My friends were supportive and generally understanding of my condition but they still don't fully understand all that POTS...has to offer. Doing what I do so well I crammed to finish all of my classes and tests. I was used to it by this point (which doesn't mean it was any less stressful...which in turn made my illness even worst).
I ended up in the hospital a few times during the last few months of my first year of college. It was new to me. I had never been bad enough to go to the hospital and I didn't have my family to be with me. It did show me that I have some pretty amazing friends that took hours out of their day's to take me to the hospital. I thank God for them and their compassion.
Along with all the other required ministries that we are able to be a part of we are also required to work at a WOL camp or outside ministry for the summer to be able to graduate. I wanted to graduate but my body was in no condition to be counseling for the entire summer. The school was willing to work with me and I was given the opportunity to be at home for the summer working in my home church as an intern. This has been a huge blessing. I have been really sick through this whole process as well and as frustrating as that is I am grateful that I can be sick at home and that I am not the burden I would have been had I gone ahead and counselled this summer.
This year has been a really hard, challenging year but it has also been one of the best years of my life. God has taught me so much in the past 4 years through POTS and this year I have finally come to the place where I can honestly say that I am glad I have POTS. I don't like that I'm sick or how nasty I feel from day to day but I know that through POTS God has drawn me closer to Himself and has shown me that He has everything in control. How can I serve a God that has presumably taken away so much of my life? Because He's the God that gave me life. He's the God that has saved me spiritually and physically. Yes I have POTS but POTS does not have me. I thank God for where I am today and I say that if He chooses not to take this illness from my body then I will not argue. I say 'Have your way'.
