Oh my...

    Where to begin...I got the job at JCPenney Portrait Studio in Grand Rapids, I started my training last Thursday and I have more training tomorrow. Most of October will be training. I moved in with my grandma because she lives in Grand Rapids. I'm still doing online classes and my grandma does not have internet so I practically reside at the local library. The good thing is that so far it has been easier for me to stay focused and motivated on my schoolwork. God has worked everything out perfectly, it might not have been my first choice but I know it's gonna work out great. I will be traveling back and forth between here and home as I am filling in at the Lansing Mall store as well as working at the Woodland Mall store.
    I have felt pretty good so far. I have been exhausted and today I feel a little nauseous but I have been surprised at how good I have been doing with POTS. I am still having a lot of stomach and acid problems and I am hoping the doctors will be able to figure out what's going on and how to fix it.
    I have an audition at the end of the month for the Cornerstone University music program. I'm kinda nervous about all of it but at least it's close! I think I will be on the praise team at my grandma's church. I don't want to put too much on my plate so we'll see how it goes. I like my grandma's church and really want to have a church to call my own. The past few months have been extremely weird visiting different churches and not being able to say I have a church.

Changes, changes, changes...

    A lot has changed: I got the job at JCPenney as a photographer, I moved to live with my grandma, my grandma does not have Internet, I started my first day of training yesterday, I had my first paper last week and I have my first exam this week... I have been extremely busy packing, moving, working, studying and all the randomness in between. More detailed update coming soon...I hope =]

Miracle drug layoff...

    I updated a few things on the 'A little bit of humor' page. Hope it brings a smile. To catch up on a few things: School is going ok, I struggle with staying motivated but am trying to work on that. I have not heard anything more about the JCPenney job, it's not looking real great. I had two doctors appointments this week and am on some new meds so hopefully they will help some of my symptoms. I go see the gastroneurologist next week so hopefully he will have some new ideas and tests to run. The season premier of Bones is airing tonight so I am super excited! =]
    Be prepared for a little bit of a rant: After trying to get my medication for the nausea, Zofran, refilled for about a week I finally got a new prescription when I went in for my appointment. Excited to finally have my 'miracle drug' I went to go pick it up from the pharmacy only to find that our new insurance only covers 12 pills a month. Let me break it down for you. When I am active, even if it's just to go get my hair cut, it drains me. So when I am visiting a friend, going shopping, have generally any plans at all you can just imagine how sick and nauseous I can get. On these days I generally take 2-4 pills...in ONE day. Because I take so much my doctor wrote me a prescription for 90 days=90 pills...and they gave me 12. 12! I already try not to take Zofran when I am just hanging around at home but as you might already know from earlier posts I just had an interview for a job. What if I got the job? How am I supposed to be able to function at work when my nausea roams free throughout my body!? I don't know what I'm gonna do yet but I know I need to do something. This is the only thing that has ever significantly helped with my symptoms. I got through this past year because of Zofran. I can't express how vital this drug is to my everyday life any more than I can explain POTS. It's a miracle drug. Simple as that.

Possible working girl...

    This past Thursday I had an interview for a photography job at JCPenney's Portrait Studio! I finally at least got an interview. I thought that it went very well. She really liked my pictures and seemed possitive about me in general. They did a background check which is good because it means they are interested in hiring me. They told me that after they got the results from the background check and if they are still interested in me then they will schedule a second interview. If they hire me I would get to work at two of their stores because I live kinda close to both. I'm really exited about this job and I pray that I will get it. It is a seasonal job. At the end of the season they will hire 2 people so it's nice to be able to possibly make some money but also not be tied down at first incase I get too sick to work. I'm hoping that it will all work out great and I will get a part-time job there at the end of the season. We'll see! I'm not quite sure about housing or transportation but if I get the job I know God will provide all of that =]

Standing is a gift...

    I am currently in the process of figuring out life and how I can actually live it with POTS. One of the things I am trying to implement into my life is a steady job. My biggest frustration is that I can only apply to jobs that don't require constant standing and even the jobs where I could possibly sit won't want me once they find out that I'm broken. I don't fully understand POTS so how am I supposed to explain that to an employer and then be confident enough to where they decide to give me the job? I feel like I'm stuck. I'm stuck in this place where I'm not sick enough not to work or be in a wheelchair but I am sick enough that standing and sometimes just life in general is an issue for me. All you POTS patients know exactly what I'm talking about and for those of you who don't I have some very simple advice; Standing is a gift. DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED! And when you think about complaining that your feet hurt because you've been standing at work all day remember that there are people who worry more about their consciousness while standing then the condition of their feet. I'm not trying to be harsh just honest. Remember how blessed you are, even if you do have POTS you are still blessed.
    Thank you all for your emails and comments. I love hearing from you and I am so thankful that I have been able to encourage some of you in a small way but I have to set something straight. I am not strong in this and my attitude is not admirable. I have spent so many years trying to convince myself and others that POTS hasn't really effected me that I started to actually believe that I was okay. Even today while looking for jobs, thinking about future plans, and regrets I would forget about POTS all-together. It's like I subconsciously block it out entirely and once the memory comes back I am shattered once again. I have had very dark days in the past few years, even in the past few weeks. Usually it all comes in waves but for the past few months the darkness of POTS has been constant. I believe that I am either in danger of becoming depressed or I already am. There have been a lot of changes this year in my life and I know there are many more to come. I don't say any of this to get sympathy I just want to be completely honest about where I am. I am hoping that my mother will not read this post because I would hate for her to know how I am really doing but I feel that I am being dishonest if I don't say how I really feel. I pray so often that I could just quite POTS and it kills me that quiting is not an option.
    POTS is a constant cycle of new treatment that doesn't work along with test after test that come up empty, and the worse part is that there is no option to opt out...you're in it for life.